Some twenty years ago I received a poignant letter from my father that described his “mid-life crisis” and his final acceptance of his lot in life. The content of the letter did not surprise me, but did confirm ponderings I had considered many times. I’ll come back to this letter later.

My father is by no means an aggressive or assertive person; humility, selflessness, and altruistic diligence seem to be his mantra. I have the deepest respect for his talent, his principles, and his integrity. First and foremost, he is an abstract acrylic artist, professionally practicing his craft at least 50 years (to view his work click here). Aside from that, his distinguished career has been teaching Fine Art on the college level since before I was born (I think his first teaching position was officially in 1960 or 61). I can absolutely attest with confidence that anyone who knows my father would agree that he is not an aggressive and assertive individual.

Back to the letter and his mid-life crisis. He wrote that he had experienced some depression surrounding his chosen profession and the making of his artwork. You see he knew without doubt that he was an excellent teacher. Throughout his career he had received letters from past students sharing accolades for his teaching ability, as well as exceptional year-end reviews every year he taught. The dilemma was this: he had not gained the audience he had hoped for, or perhaps dreamed of, for his artwork; he knew he was a competent teacher, but wanted to have the same confidence about his art. In my mind, his personal definition of success included wide recognition as an accomplished and appreciated artist. Although admittedly I am/was biased, I have always adored his artwork and in my earlier years did not understand why he had a limited audience.

As my worldly experience grew, I came to have an informed opinion on the matter. It was not my father’s artwork that lacked some quality or appeal; it was my father’s principles or personal integrity that held back all possibility for large-scale exposure to his artwork. I still believe that if he had large-scale exposure – meaning some influential advocates working on his behalf – his artwork and his ultimate confidence in artistic accomplishment would be realized. But alas, my father is not aggressive and would not take steps to “play the game” of artist fame. Even if he were aware of the various compulsory activities for reaching a large audience for his art, he did not (and would not) even consider hiring another individual to work (aggressively or assertively) in his stead. In my opinion, the years have flown by with many “missed opportunities” because of the lack of aggressive / assertive aptitude. And yet, I admire his principles of integrity.

The story about my father brings to light a legitimate point: most often – and I cannot think of exceptions – success requires assertive aggression in order to be realized and maximized. My father’s values dictate that aggression is not something he can do in good conscience. My take on the matter is that assertive aggressive behavior is indeed a necessary tool for success, but only when practiced within one’s value set and principles of integrity. We must act aggressively or assertively on behalf of the goodness in our heart. Oh, and to my Dad I say: “You need not be aggressive nor have a huge audience for your art! You are a huge success in my book!”